The Doctor Is In
by missmorganpryce
Summary: Lilah talks to her psychiatrist


Hi, is the doctor in? I have an appointment. Lilah Morgan, twelve o'clock.  
  
Yes, that's me.  
  
Five minutes? Fine.  
  
Hello, Doctor.  
  
I've been better.  
  
No, I didn't end up needing the Prozac extra strength. Damn, the workload's getting worse. Is this a new couch?  
  
Armani's always great.  
  
Yeah, it's getting more stressful these days. My boss hasn't been so happy- not like I try to make him happy -but still, not happy. After the whole Connor fiasco-  
  
When I tried to kidnap this baby, and it blew up in my face, yadda yadda yadda. Don't you have it in your messy little notes somewhere?  
  
I'm getting a little scared.  
  
What is it with shrinks telling people to 'please continue'? You know they will anyway.  
  
They've tried to kill me before, but I was lucky. My luck won't hold forever. If I keep screwing up, they'll take me out for good.  
  
I swear, Doctor, if you tell me to work harder and kiss more butts, I will shoot you through the-  
  
Oh you weren't going to say that? So sorry, please continue.  
  
I have some serious survival issues? Wow, that's profound. You would too if your life was in danger every other week by every other person you met.  
  
No, I can't switch jobs. I'm bound to this firm till my flesh rots off my bones and beyond. I'm never getting out.  
  
They killed Jack McLane at the daily briefing yesterday. He recommended my tax accountant. I'm worried it's gonna be my intestines splattered over the walls next. I only made it this far is because I'm the 'Angel expert.'  
  
Yeah, Angel's the guy who I have 'repressed anger' against. You advised me to get it out of my system. Well, kicking him in the balls is not an option.  
  
Out of all the people from my firm who've had contact with him, I've survived the longest. So I'm the 'expert.' I'm in charge of trying to capture him. Problem is, he's missing But even was he was around, I wasn't too successful.  
  
Well, with the Connor thing, I did manage to devastate him and break up his little gang. So maybe just a little successful.  
  
Do I look like I feel guilty?  
  
Without Angel around, I don't have a target, which makes my existence more precarious. I'm so frustrated. If I could just find something that made me look good  
  
Do I have a way of releasing my frustrations? I'm getting laid regularly, which brings me to another big problem. The little scumbag who works with me, Gavin, you remember him. The guy who I also had 'repressed anger' at and you advised me to get it out of my system? Kicking him in the balls was an option. He sicced these psychics on me and the firm now knows I'm sleeping with this guy, which ain't good news because he's a 'good guy' or at least used to be. No repressed anger at him far as I can tell.  
  
No, he's not my boyfriend, just a guy who's ruined half my clothes by now. There is a difference.  
  
Now Wes, his name is Wesley- if you think I have deep-seated issues  
  
Yeah, the works. Abandonment, guilt, anger, fear, sadism Maybe I should give him your number.  
  
He sounds a little like me? I don't have any guilt, remember?  
  
Yes, because I deliberately hooked up with him so we could be psycho buddies. Totally.  
  
No, I did not subconsciously attempt to find someone to suffer with  
  
You, shut up. When I want you to talk I'll tell you.  
  
He's finally matured out of the nerdiness into a scruffy badass, which is attractive in its own way.  
  
You want to say something?  
  
I am physically attracted to him. He's great in bed.  
  
I'd known him for a couple of years in association with Angel. Then I started trying to recruit his mind for the firm-he's cute when he's stubborn. Then it was animal magnetism and whoosh-in bed and that was four months ago and we've been doing it three times a week and now the firm knows and I'm screwed because I'm doing the unforgivable cliché of sleeping with the enemy.  
  
Just catching my breath. I'll bet you see a lot of clichéd people, Doc.  
  
Do I even like him? I guess a little. Deep down, under that scruffy rebellious exterior, he tries to be a good man. Added to my numerous sins is the dirtying up his pure soul He was so desperate for human companionship he latched onto me, Miss Evil Lawyer. And I really should break this off now because they know. I have no advantages by sleeping with him. I really don't  
  
But I'm lonely too and I'm desperate too and he's the only thing I've got right now.  
  
We're lying in bed and pretending not to see each other.  
  
I am not thinking of another man, Doctor! I'm not that kind of woman.  
  
He's got great eyes though. They're supposed to be blue, but they manage to change colors according to the clothes he's wearing. He's got this nice charcoal gray shirt with deep gray eyes and when he's wearing purple, his chameleon eyes try to match, and when he's in blue his eyes are so lovely.  
  
You, Doc, have really boring eyes.  
  
His eyes tell everything about him. When he lets his guard down I can see the pain gathered there, and sometimes I even feel sympathetic. God, I am not even in 'like' with him, but I do feel a little softer when I'm with him.  
  
I hate this, Doctor. I can't afford to be soft, it'll be the death of me. Tell me, what should I do? I can't afford to lose my edge. Maybe I should just kill him now and be done with it.  
  
You've been very quiet throughout my soliloquy, Doctor. Oh yeah, I gagged you. I just love an attentive audience. So here's my big bad dilemma. How do I get him out of my head? Don't you have some sort of hypnosis, some drug, that will totally and completely get him out of my head?  
  
No? And I'm paying you two-fifty an hour to hear that?  
  
Oh, I see our time together is finished. You did ok.  
  
Wait Doctor. I don't think you'll be leaving.  
  
You see, I found out that you broke your oath of confidentiality. In fact, you talked about our sessions with Linwood. I also had 'repressed anger' against him but I couldn't kick him.  
  
So I don't think you'll be leaving.  
  
And really, I hate begging, it's so demeaning.  
  
Hi, I just finished my session. Lilah Morgan, it was for twelve o'clock.  
  
Yes, here's a check.  
  
My shirt? Oh, I spilled ketchup on myself at lunch. Didn't have enough time to change before my meeting with the Doctor.  
  
Is the Doctor in? The Doctor stepped out for a minute. He told me that he needed some fresh air and that he'd be back in a minute for the next appointment.  
  
Thank you. I'll call to schedule again.  
  
~  
  
Finito 


End file.
